Possessiveness: WHY??

I am sure all of us would have experienced an intense craving, an extreme desire to possess something or someone. You haven’t? Well, good for you is all I can say. Because I have felt it a zillion times. The need to possess something materialistically, to own someone, to win someone’s love, to catch someone’s love a bit more than that person provides it to someone else, and the list goes on. But there have been two major questions that haunt me when I think about possessiveness and its ‘forms’. Why exactly do we have this feeling to possess something or someone? Why is it that we feel insecure or jealous when your boyfriend/husband talk or at the least smile at another girl? Why is it that we feel we are less loved by our parents when they care a bit more (or so we feel) our younger sibling and not us? Is it because we are otherwise less loved? I really don’t think so. But why then this possessiveness?

A couple walks down the road. They are merrily talking holding hands. Out of nowhere, there is this friend of her boyfriend’s who smiles at him and slows down for a small chat. The guy too stops by to talk to her and introduces his girlfriend to her as well. But the rest of the journey does not seem like it was five minutes back. There were no holding hands and there definitely is no ‘merry talking’ going on. Why did the girl feel sad? Was she insecure? Or jealous? Or worst of all did she not trust him? Personally, many at times I have felt that this feeling has nothing to do with trust. Please read, many at times! So why then this possessiveness?

A child is happily playing with her doll. She combs the Barbie’s hair, corrects her clothes and plants a kiss on her cheek. Her mother’s friend’s daughter comes home. She too joins with the first child, and guess what, she loves the same Barbie. The house is sure to end up in a mess. The first child cries and snatches the doll saying “its mine”, while the second child whines and yells, “I want it”. Why exactly does it happen?

Is possessiveness good or bad? Many at times I have felt bad when my best friend talks to another person and feels as comfortable as she is with me, with her. Is it good or bad? It isn’t because I have a feeling I would lose her. I would never lose her. She is my best friend.  But then why this feeling. Why, WHy, WHY!!! 

"For Myself, Who else?"

“Why do you dress up so much?” “There is too much of kohl around your eyes.” “Does my face look too white?” “Women spend so much time in front of the mirror.” or “Why do women take so much time to dress up?”

A few questions a lot many women would have faced at some point of time. They could either be on the receiving end. Or they could also be the person asking the question. Well obviously the last two would probably be asked by members of the opposite gender.  

I have been asked many at times the first question, and to be on the safer and more ‘self-loving’ side I would answer, “To satisfy myself who else!” However, when I think about it later on I know the answer I should have said was “To create a good first impression to the person in front of me.” How about you ask this question to a young Muslim woman, clad in the traditional black burqa from head to toe? Personally I would say the apt answer for her would be “For myself, who else!”

Obviously it is for her and no one else. Why? Because she doesn’t expose any of her features to create a good first impression to a person who looks at her. A Muslim woman, especially in the Middle East, or should I say West Asia, is expected to adorn herself with the black ‘abhaya’ from top to bottom irrespective of what she is wearing beneath the burqa. It is a custom, and they are expected to follow it.

But any person who has seen a young Arab Muslim woman without the burqa would agree when I say that they are truly beautiful beings. Their eyes are probably the only feature that is allowed to be showed, and how prettily they beautify them. Those thick-kohl filled eyes are truly to die for. And once they remove those black clothes, you would probably feel ashamed with the way you are clad. They would be wearing the best of best clothes, and even if they were wearing normal attire, the way they carry themselves would just make us stare and awe. And their skin is so soft and clean, that you would wish you had the same skin.

But once they wear the abhaya, none of it is seen. So who do they dress up for? For themselves, who else!

Quiet

P.P.S:Due to certain comments I have received after writing this post, I find it a compulsion to put this up. This story is purely and completely fiction and has no resemblance to me or my personal life.

Those eyes reminded me of a lot many things. The gaze reminded me of the way he peeped deep into my eyes on that day. His hands reminded me of his touch on my breasts. His evil smile reminded me of the taste I felt when his lips fought with mine. The feeling I had when his tongue explored the inside of my mouth. The pain I felt when he pressed me all over with his hands.

He was my father. The person without whom my birth wouldn’t have been possible. Without whom I would still be waiting to be brought to life. Was this how I was born? Did my mother experience the same pain before I was born? Or was it a mutual feeling called love they had for each other which resulted in my birth? I don’t know. But I wish I knew.

Though it has been nearly four years since that dreaded day, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sick. My mother asked me to stay at home and take rest. And so I did, since I never went against what my parents asked me to do. My mother worked at the bank, and she couldn’t take the day off. And so she left, since my father said he would take the day off and look after me. Little did she know how he would look after me.

I had a sore throat and was having a tough time to sleep, when I heard my father come into my room and close the door. He smiled at me, a smile I never received from him before. But he was my father, and I returned the smile.

“Are you fine my dear?” he asked.

“My throat is a bit rough. Other than that I am feeling a lot better”, I said.

“Don’t worry dear, I will make you feel a lot better now” was the last few words I heard from him.

And then everything turned black. The feeling of pain, betrayal, sorrow all united together is a bit too much to handle. And I never spoke to him ever again. I cried. I cried in the afternoon, I cried when my mother returned home, I cried to sleep. I didn’t know what else to do. I was just seven. An age when fathers are your hero. A phase when the person you look up to and wish to follow is your father.

But I never told my mother anything. What should I tell her? Should I tell her that I was raped by my father? Or should I tell her that the person whom she married and loved was a cheat? And that he had used his very own daughter to satisfy his dirty pleasures? It was enough that I suffered. I didn’t want my mother to suffer as well. And so I kept quiet. I have still remained quiet.

P.S:I have realized that I do not know how to find apt photos from Google :(.

I am 'Tagged'!!!

It's been pretty long since I have actually played a game! Actually no, I did play a game with my friends this weekend. A game called 'The Game of Life'. If you haven't played it, you should!


Anyway Viya wants to know a bit more about myself, and has tagged me in this beautiful game called 'Tag'!


So the rules?

Rule#1: Put the rules on your blog.

Rule#2: Every person who is tagged in this activity should tell 11 things about themselves, then answer the questions asked by the person who tagged you, then tag 11 other people and ask them 11 different questions. 

Rule#3: Let the people whom you tagged know you've done so.

Rule#4: Don't tag anyone who's been tagged before.

Rule#5: Really do tag 11 others, don't go all ''if you want to take this tag''

So here are the 11 random things about myself (God this is going to be tough)!

1. I am a lot less short-tempered when compared to how I was earlier (Oh yes, I was very very bad friends :P)

2. I consider myself to be the Queen of 'stage-fright'. I can shiver till my legs consider not holding on to my body weight just before I get on to a stage. In fact I do not go on the stage during marriage functions as well. I run to the eating hall as soon as the 'thali' is tied!

3. Speaking about eating, I am a foodie. I adoreeee food!!

4. But I crave for a slimmer body, which I don't think will appear anytime soon!

5. So I hope all of you understand from points 4 and 5 that I am very difficult in making decisions on my own. I can be easily (and I mean damn easily) manipulated by anyone who I care about even to the slightest.

6. I miss playing my guitar.

7. I miss home and Amma's food :(

8. I trust people a lot quicker than I would like to.

9. I hate anyone (guys or girls) who do not respect women.

10. I sometimes feel that people text me only because I have started the conversation and not because they actually am interested in talking to me :|!

11. I wish I was as smart as the person I am when I am talking to myself!

So voila Vi and my other friends, I think my seminar was a lot more easier :P!!

So here are Viya's questions!

1. Which is the colour which best describes you?

A. I think pink would be my answer, for the sole reason I love anything and everything in pink. You buy anything, and I mean ANYTHING in pink, and I would love you for the rest of my life :D.

2. Shoes or bags or clothes?

A. I would have to go with clothes considering the mess in my wardrobe. But shoes is a recent obsession that has taken over me!

3. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you, but now makes you laugh?

A. Very simple. During my 11th grade I participated for an instrumental music competition where I was to play the guitar. Since I had recently joined that school, my seniors totally made a laughing stock out of me by hooting and shouting, which led to me giving up playing the guitar. But now I think about it, I end up crying due to laughter! And the best part, I laugh with those very seniors!

4. Culture and heritage? or 'in-thing' and future? why? 

A. Culture and heritage. Personally I feel, no matter how modern one becomes, culture is what is going to either bind him to the ground or bury him under the ground. A person is known by the culture s/he follows. For example, no matter how broad-minded and modern India becomes, an Indian will always be expected to follow certain norms such as respect for elders and oneself. That is what marks an Indian from any other nation citizen.

5. If you had a time machine, would you want to take a peek into the future or change something from the past?

A. Definitely change something from the past. I still have time to shape my future and I wouldn't want to ruin the fun of knowing it before hand. But I do believe that if certain things from my past had happened differently, my present and ultimately my future would have been a lot more bright!

6. Have you eaten something that is not edible?

A. Does paper count :P!!!

7. Do you believe in the purpose of relationships?

A. I completely agree with the idea of relationship. I do not believe that any person can live without no relationship at all. Be it family, friends, love or even enmity. I believe even enmity is a relationship to be cherished.

8. Do you wanna be the person who would dedicate his life to do something great for the benefit of the society and land up in textbooks or would you rather lead a quiet happy satisfied life with the family and friend?

A. I would rather dedicate my life to do something for the benefit of the society and lead a quiet, happy and satisfied life with my family and friends :)!!

9. What is the one dream you remember vividly?

A. A dream where I was surrounded my snakes (yuck yuck yuck)!!!

10. Do you have a purpose in life or do you just take life as it comes?

A. Broadly, yes I do have a purpose in life. But ultimately I take life as it comes!!

11. Your bestest childhood memory?

A. That is pretty easy. My parents and myself lived in Saudi Arabia for around 4 years, when my sister had to study in India. The flights from Cochin to Saudi was always at odd times, and every time she visited home (Saudi), Amma would make it a point to make Porotta, Chicken curry and there would be the Puck cheese spread both of us drooled over! So I used to wait for Chechi to come only for that :P!! But I love her more than ever, so I am not evil!!

Now I am supposed to tag 11 different people. The winners (in no particular order) are:

Hazel

Sujatha Di

Red

Upasana

Sahana Di

Saru Di

The Little Princess

Mirage

Aleeya

Serendipity

MNET

Now to my set of 11 questions, ayayoooo

1. Your favourite colour and why?

2. Do you agree with the concept of eloping with your guy/girl without the knowledge of your parents?

3. The most memorable moment of your life?

4. Would you rather live life adventurously taking risks whenever possible, or would you prefer living a peace and quiet life?

5. An incident that changed your life?

6. Bed coffee, coffee with a newspaper or coffee along with breakfast?

7. Have you ever been compared to a person you never thought you had any resemblance to? If so who?

8. A dream yet to be fulfilled, but hope to be completed soon?

9. Something you miss from your childhood?

10. Nail-painted leg or mehendi-scented hands?

11. One person you cannot live without?

I AM SO GLAD THIS IS OVER!! It was so much more difficult than I would have wanted it to be. But I had fun, and thanks a ton Vi for the tag :) :*!!

P.S: My external viva went extremely well. Two final papers done, three more to go :) 

Five Minutes...

Time was running away

It seemed like you were running along with it

With still few more months of physical closeness,

Your absence was already felt

We rarely spoke, seldom met

And when we did, we would end up screaming and parting ways

I felt lost, alone.

But five minutes was all it took

Five minutes of your life gave me back my life

Five minutes of your phone balance reassured me that I was loved

Five minutes made me happy

P.S: It is not the hours you spend on phone or the frequency with which you meet each other that determine how much one loves the other. It is the faith that in spite of everything, they still care and love you that matters. It is the feeling, that you have the other person during times of pain.