Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Marriage- for oneself or for the society??

When I was nearing my teenage, I was scared I would turn out to be a horrible, uncontrollable freak. And you know what? I turned out to be exactly that! Sometimes when I go back in time, and think of those moments when I used to have those dreaded fights with Amma, I imagine how she put up with me. Trust me, if I had such a daughter I would have gone crazy by the time she realized she was just in a pathetically beautifully stage of life!

Now that I am about to cross the dreaded 20's, I have this feeling I am going to be as unbearable as I was when I was in my teens. The only difference? When I was 13, I created chaos on every tiny thing; and now I am going to create havoc on just one single topic- marriage!

Today I read Aamir Khan's column in The Hindu, which was very coincidentally on marriage. And I was thoroughly surprised reading it, because it felt like he was writing an article on my views on marriage! I never really knew how to express my feelings on this 'law of nature phase' (as Achan puts it) and so his column made it so much easier to at least tell Amma. She read it, and guess what her reaction was! "I don't think most of this is possible!"

Why not? Why is it impossible to enjoy a subtle, simple marriage with just the two people who are about to tie the knot and those who really mean a lot to either of them? Why is it not possible to put off with the food and the shining ornaments, when that money can very well be put to much better use? Why is it that one has to choose a partner based on his/her family background? Are you marrying his/her family or the bride/groom them-self? Why is it an assurance that if the family is good the person you are to spend the rest of your lie with is also good? Can't other factors affect one's behaviour? And what if the person you have just met over a cup of coffee has split personalities; with the good gentleman in front of his parents (and you for that matter), while he is a horrible drug addict behind your back? Who is the actual self? And what surety do you have that he could change with your love? Accept it, this is no fairytale, and no Prince is going to come on a horseback with flowing hair! Ok maybe there could be the flowing hair, with all the new shampoos and costly barbers! And what if the girl you have fallen for in the first look is not the sati savathri types as you had wanted? What would you do? Would that beautiful, well mannered family help you out? But what exactly is the use of anyone helping you out, when ultimately, it's over?

I remember Achan recently telling me, or rather agreeing to me having a love marriage! Oh-oh hold on, on one condition. Love a person from a good family background who is financially well off. And do what? Hug the money and go off to sleep while your newly wed husband is off at a pub drinking to glory? I remember he showing me an example as well. One of my aunty's aunty's aunty's.... son married a girl from a well known family, whom I met for the first time recently! Guess what? She didn't even lend me a smile! So much for the 'family background'! I would rather prefer a person from a not so renowned family who I would love to meet a second time. So why exactly does a person want his/her daughter/son to marry a person from a well off family? So that the hard earned father-in-law's money would be handy during tough times? (I wonder what good for nothing person the guy would be!) Or is it so that they can flaunt about it to the outside world! (I am sorry, but will this society be of any help during a time of crisis? Oh, I am sorry they would be too busy criticizing on our mistakes!)

So back to my title- Do we marry to spend the rest of your life with a loving and caring person whom YOU love or whom your father-mother-uncle-aunty-maternal grandparents-paternal grandparents-neighbour uncle-neighbour aunty's mother-neighbour's friend's friend likes? Off late I have completely started hating the entire scenario that precedes marriage, only because of all the hungama of seeing whether something written on two papers match, and then there is the 'girl-seeing' ceremony where it actually means the parents seeing either side of the person in question and then that's it!! How in any God's name does a person like another person in one meeting?

Ok I think I should stop! So stop it! STOP IT!!!!


Confused Soul said...

Aah I ponder over the very things everyday. It's always the family that matters. But really I've seen so many failed marriages despite the family being good.

This is utter bull crap :(

Writing Bee said...

@Shreya: Awww I totally agree...!! Hopefully some Prince will come and save us little princesses!! Or at least bring light into our parents minds!!

Mithlash said...

Hi, first time on your blog n came from Saru blog.
After reading your post I can only say, this entire marriage concept is unpredictable. Nobody can predict which equation going to fail or pass whether it love marriage, arrange marriage, family background or any other other equation.
Nice post, Keep writing.

Saru Singhal said...

Marriages in India are like that. Even if you marry for love and care like I did, you will end up being a part of a meaningful show of money. BTW, mine was love cum arrange. Welcome back dear:)

Sahana Rao said...

So were my thoughts before meeting BH. After you meet Mr. Right.. You just cannot wait to get married.

Sonia said...

Oh nicely written Deeps.. You are 20? I am 24.. So marriage issue is more serious at my home these days.

Well, I believe our great grand parents, grand parents and our parents have followed this same old way of finding their partner and their marriages are more successful and happier then some of the 'modern' love marriages..
Either love or arrange marriage if we find a right partner then definitely we will have and successful marriage:) And nowadays even in arrange marriages we are not forced to marry a person just after 1 meeting.. We can take our time to know him :)

Writing Bee said...

@Mithlash: First of all welcome and thank you for stopping by.
I completely agree that, be it a love or arranged marriage, it all depends on one's luck and fate. You could be in love with a person for 10 years, and it could still turn out to be a complete disaster once you are with him/her 24/7.

Writing Bee said...

@Saru Di: But I don't like it that way. I don't like money being an important part is such a sacred bonding!

Writing Bee said...

@Sahana: I guess so :D!! But how do you know if he is Mr Right??!!

Writing Bee said...

@Sonia: Yup I am 20. And I know exactly how it would be at your place, because my sister too is 23 and everyone, except her of course, are waiting for the bells to ring!

Shobhit said...

Hello. :-)

This is my first visit to your blog. And it is a very interesting read.

I've been reading a lot about marriages on several blogs and was thinking to write a post on it myself. But when I read your post, it appears exactly the way I would have written it. Not that I could have put it in words so nicely as you have, but the points you made are the same.

Though I did write a post on Indian marriages sometime back. Do take a look at the following.


I'll be visiting your blog for more such interesting posts. Keep writing. :-)

Writing Bee said...

@Shobhit: Thank you so much for reading and liking the post and for stopping by. Will go through your post as well :)

Rev said...

Nice :) u speaking my words abt marriage !! But tough one to follow esp it wil still take more time for the parents to change their views on love marriages and on marriages itself!!

Writing Bee said...

@Rev: You are completely right. It will take a really long time for our parents to understand our view point.

Sneha Gupta said...

Hi writing bee,

I wonder how intensely your thoughts match with mine. In fact, I have played good irony with this topic in my debut romance comedy novel. And it much got much appreciation for whole this topic only. I raised it with a strong point of view and eventually made a happy ending. I think our thoughts match because I am also 22 :).

However, I am a self-made girl so, my parents consider my feelings. But what matters the most is, the guy you choose for yourself should be trustworthy since trust matters the most.

Just loved your post :)

Writing Bee said...

@Sneha Gupta: First of all thank you for stopping by.
I would love to read your novel, now since I have known it has a lot of marriage in it! Totally agree that your guy should be trustworthy because you might be fighting against a number of people for just that one guy, and if he isn't worth it, then God bless you!

Sneha Gupta said...

Thanks for your interest in my novel. You can by it online from flipkart.com

Just copy the following link and paste it in your browser


Thanks again :)

Hakuna Matata said...

Interesting blog. Reminds me if a conversation with a cousin of mine. Both of us fervently agreed that marriage can/should have less rituals and all those meaningless extras but guess what , when she got married , she had the most luxurious wedding arrangements done for her . Made me think perhaps we all succumb to accepted way of doing thing when our turn comes :(
It takes too much courage to walk against the crowd