Marriage- for oneself or for the society??

When I was nearing my teenage, I was scared I would turn out to be a horrible, uncontrollable freak. And you know what? I turned out to be exactly that! Sometimes when I go back in time, and think of those moments when I used to have those dreaded fights with Amma, I imagine how she put up with me. Trust me, if I had such a daughter I would have gone crazy by the time she realized she was just in a pathetically beautifully stage of life!

Now that I am about to cross the dreaded 20's, I have this feeling I am going to be as unbearable as I was when I was in my teens. The only difference? When I was 13, I created chaos on every tiny thing; and now I am going to create havoc on just one single topic- marriage!

Today I read Aamir Khan's column in The Hindu, which was very coincidentally on marriage. And I was thoroughly surprised reading it, because it felt like he was writing an article on my views on marriage! I never really knew how to express my feelings on this 'law of nature phase' (as Achan puts it) and so his column made it so much easier to at least tell Amma. She read it, and guess what her reaction was! "I don't think most of this is possible!"

Why not? Why is it impossible to enjoy a subtle, simple marriage with just the two people who are about to tie the knot and those who really mean a lot to either of them? Why is it not possible to put off with the food and the shining ornaments, when that money can very well be put to much better use? Why is it that one has to choose a partner based on his/her family background? Are you marrying his/her family or the bride/groom them-self? Why is it an assurance that if the family is good the person you are to spend the rest of your lie with is also good? Can't other factors affect one's behaviour? And what if the person you have just met over a cup of coffee has split personalities; with the good gentleman in front of his parents (and you for that matter), while he is a horrible drug addict behind your back? Who is the actual self? And what surety do you have that he could change with your love? Accept it, this is no fairytale, and no Prince is going to come on a horseback with flowing hair! Ok maybe there could be the flowing hair, with all the new shampoos and costly barbers! And what if the girl you have fallen for in the first look is not the sati savathri types as you had wanted? What would you do? Would that beautiful, well mannered family help you out? But what exactly is the use of anyone helping you out, when ultimately, it's over?

I remember Achan recently telling me, or rather agreeing to me having a love marriage! Oh-oh hold on, on one condition. Love a person from a good family background who is financially well off. And do what? Hug the money and go off to sleep while your newly wed husband is off at a pub drinking to glory? I remember he showing me an example as well. One of my aunty's aunty's aunty's.... son married a girl from a well known family, whom I met for the first time recently! Guess what? She didn't even lend me a smile! So much for the 'family background'! I would rather prefer a person from a not so renowned family who I would love to meet a second time. So why exactly does a person want his/her daughter/son to marry a person from a well off family? So that the hard earned father-in-law's money would be handy during tough times? (I wonder what good for nothing person the guy would be!) Or is it so that they can flaunt about it to the outside world! (I am sorry, but will this society be of any help during a time of crisis? Oh, I am sorry they would be too busy criticizing on our mistakes!)

So back to my title- Do we marry to spend the rest of your life with a loving and caring person whom YOU love or whom your father-mother-uncle-aunty-maternal grandparents-paternal grandparents-neighbour uncle-neighbour aunty's mother-neighbour's friend's friend likes? Off late I have completely started hating the entire scenario that precedes marriage, only because of all the hungama of seeing whether something written on two papers match, and then there is the 'girl-seeing' ceremony where it actually means the parents seeing either side of the person in question and then that's it!! How in any God's name does a person like another person in one meeting?

Ok I think I should stop! So stop it! STOP IT!!!!