Monday, March 19, 2012

Possessiveness: WHY??

I am sure all of us would have experienced an intense craving, an extreme desire to possess something or someone. You haven’t? Well, good for you is all I can say. Because I have felt it a zillion times. The need to possess something materialistically, to own someone, to win someone’s love, to catch someone’s love a bit more than that person provides it to someone else, and the list goes on. But there have been two major questions that haunt me when I think about possessiveness and its ‘forms’. Why exactly do we have this feeling to possess something or someone? Why is it that we feel insecure or jealous when your boyfriend/husband talk or at the least smile at another girl? Why is it that we feel we are less loved by our parents when they care a bit more (or so we feel) our younger sibling and not us? Is it because we are otherwise less loved? I really don’t think so. But why then this possessiveness?

A couple walks down the road. They are merrily talking holding hands. Out of nowhere, there is this friend of her boyfriend’s who smiles at him and slows down for a small chat. The guy too stops by to talk to her and introduces his girlfriend to her as well. But the rest of the journey does not seem like it was five minutes back. There were no holding hands and there definitely is no ‘merry talking’ going on. Why did the girl feel sad? Was she insecure? Or jealous? Or worst of all did she not trust him? Personally, many at times I have felt that this feeling has nothing to do with trust. Please read, many at times! So why then this possessiveness?

A child is happily playing with her doll. She combs the Barbie’s hair, corrects her clothes and plants a kiss on her cheek. Her mother’s friend’s daughter comes home. She too joins with the first child, and guess what, she loves the same Barbie. The house is sure to end up in a mess. The first child cries and snatches the doll saying “its mine”, while the second child whines and yells, “I want it”. Why exactly does it happen?

Is possessiveness good or bad? Many at times I have felt bad when my best friend talks to another person and feels as comfortable as she is with me, with her. Is it good or bad? It isn’t because I have a feeling I would lose her. I would never lose her. She is my best friend.  But then why this feeling. Why, WHy, WHY!!! 



14 comments:

My Never Ending Thoughts... said...

so true. I have read somewhere that where there is love there is possessiveness.. To certain extent everyone are able to deal with it in a relationship but if possessiveness increases too much then definitely none can save the relationship.:(

Writing Bee said...

@MNET: But how do you know when it is too much? It might be too much for one person, but for the person who is feeling it, it could be a genuine fear. So why does s/he feel that fear??

Confused Soul said...

I so wish I had an answer. Not just to answer you but to give myself the answer and satisfaction too. Trust has nothing to do with it or maybe in some rare cases it does.

I can say I've gone through this feeling a zillion times. In the boyfriend case, it's because I suddenly feels he gives more importance to another girl than me. Knowing very well, that's not the case. Still a feeling of me being inferior comes. Especially when the girl he talks to looks good. I get a complex. :/ Sounds stupid, but it's true!

In the best friend case, yes, I feel scared to lose her. There's a constant fear that someone else will be more important for her someday.

I think the idea is- we want to feel wanted. Wanted and loved. And when we see that love being shared, we don't like it. Because that was ours. Only ours. But then again, we shouldn't feel like that. WHY WHY! Shya I'm thinking now!

Writing Bee said...

@Shreya: That comment made a lot happy you know! Because I felt happy and comfy when I understood that I have one more person like myself. And I guess it is because we want it to be ours. But still why??!!

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Love for something or someone comes with possessiveness. But only to an extent :)
If the possessiveness goes beyond a limit, then it gets suffocating.

Writing Bee said...

@PhilO: I completely agree...

Upasana said...

Possessiveness to an extent stems from losing the attention of the person you are used to getting it from.All the times i have been possessive about my loved ones is because of this very reason.Thats my rationale!

Good post!

roopz said...

I'm too much possessive may be coz of my Zodiac sign, Taurus ;)

regards
village girl

Rambling Of A Single Girl In The City said...

possessiveness is something unexplainable .. I was once very possessive about a friend ... but now I have out grown it... One of my friend helped me to get rid of it... Now my philosophy is if you love someone set them free ... nice write up :D

Ana_treek said...

I feel the same way many times, I keep thinking that as I grow older, these feelings will go away, but I'm already old enough..still not gone away, so...:D

Writing Bee said...

@Upasana: That is true. Sometimes you just get used to all the attention and care from one person that you don't want to lose it. And in the process don't want to lose that person. Thank you dear :)

@Roopz: Haha nice way to blame it on your sign :)

@Single Girl: Aww I love that philosophy but it must be very difficult to follow. Do let me know how to get rid of this thing called possessiveness :(!!

@Ana: I think it is an unavoidable and not-going feeling!! :P

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

But then it does get difficult to set a limit at times :P

Writing Bee said...

@PhilO: Haha very true. And I think the line is subjective. What may be ok with you can be completely annoying and over the limit for me. So it anyway will lead to problems :D

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Why? Why? Why? - because we're human that's why.